Dear diary,
The year is 1854 in the U.S. I have i son who is 15 years old and i work as a blacksmith and have lots of work all the time. With a house thats falling to pieces and creakes when every you take a step in side i almost fell through the stairs when me and my son were going to bed, and my sons room is 100 degrees in the summer and is below 0 in the winter. My furniture is dusty and i never get to use it because i am at work all the time and i hear that they found gold in out west and that could really help me and my blacksmith work. So i have decided to move out west to have a fresh new happy start so we are leaving the great state of Ohio. I am taking my son and i, my 2 oxen, 2 mules, and my 1 horse me and my son will ride in the carriage pulled by the 2 mules at sometimes and i will have the 2 oxen pull as well so we can get to missouri and we are to meet with some folks to travel with along the hacker trail.
Dear Nate,
ReplyDeleteYou are brave to travel on this perilous Hacker Trail to the West. Good luck! A few things you need to do to revise your post:
1) You have some strong sensory details that help set the stage. Be sure to add more about what you did as a job before leaving (as a blacksmith) and how you might use those skills in the West. Also, what was happening in the U.S. at this time?
2) Go back through and make sure you correct all of the capitalization and punctuation errors.
Have a safe journey to the West!
~Your Fate Master